Obstructed View

It's been a few days since I've been on here. This is mainly due to the fact that I went back to work this week. When I get home, all I want to do is spend time with Chase until it's time for bed and then we both crash. Today was a bit different, though, because I had to go for my bone scan. My oncologist recommended this because my PET scan showed some "questionable spots" on my spine. In speaking with her, she seems to think that it's the tumor pressing against my spine, but just to be sure, she ordered this test. It was actually pretty easy, just time consuming. I went at 11 for my injection of radioactive material. Three hours later, I went back for the actual scan. The scan didn't even take a full hour. The worst part about it was that the machine starts over your face and is very close. Can you say 'claustrophobia?' Not going to lie, I kept my eyes shut until the nurse told me that my head was out! And I ended up having to go back in twice more because the images of my ribcage were blurry. Can you guess what could possibly have caused the obstructed view?!? She ended up having to turn the machine so that it imaged through the side of my chest instead of the top. When I was all finished, the nurse told me she'll probably see me again. She's the same one who did my initial MUGA scan and said that usually during the course of chemo, they do at least one more MUGA scan to make sure your heart is still functioning the way it should. At least if I have to keep doing this, I know I'm in good hands!

Good News/Bad News

I went back to the doctor today and had my blood drawn. Things are looking really good. My white cell count was actually high (most likely from the Neulasta shot) which is good news. She was able to prescribe me something for this lovely heartburn (which I'll take over other possible side effects!) I go back next week for more blood work (this will be a weekly occurrence throughout my treatment) then on the 26th for my next round of chemo. So that's the good news.

Now, let me preface this next part with I don't want to use this blog as an outlet to complain, but I really feel I must. Chemo is not cheap. Not even a little bit. There are tons of organizations out there that provide financial assistance. I've been looking into them, researching, applying. Today, we found out that we make too much money to qualify for any of them. We made $930 too much last year. $930. Seriously?!? So because my husband has a good job, I have a good job, and I work a second job to help keep up with rising bills, we get no help. Something about that just seems horribly wrong. Or maybe it's just me...

3 Days Later...

Today was a great day! Absolutely wonderful. And when you read about it, you'll probably say to yourself, "Don't you remember complaining about days like this not too long ago?" Well, yes, but the fact that I was able to do it all and feel really good while doing it all has me in the best mood! Here's how it went:
Got up around 8:30, which is sleeping way in for me. Wandered out to the living room, said good morning to my boys, then made breakfast. Sat on the couch with my boys and watched the newest episode of Merlin (which, if you don't already watch, you should!) Did five (count them, FIVE!) loads of laundry, all washed, dried, and put where they belong. Trying not to dwell on the sheets and comforter still out there waiting their turn... Had a surprise visit from a good friend who always makes my day brighter! Then coerced Chris into cleaning out the back room. It's been on our to-do list for far too long and I am so glad that it's done. Chris decided to go play with Chase in the living room (which is the best thing to listen to: Daddy being silly and Chase laughing his head off!) and I organized all of my scrapbooking paraphernalia (which was long overdue!) Then I came into the living room with my stacks of pictures and instead of organizing them, Chase came and sat with me and we just looked through them all and talked about them. Who was in the picture, where we were, what was happening. He was rapt! Might be busting out the scrapbooks in place of stories every once in a while... The best part of my day, though, was when I realized that my 48 hours of snuggle-free time was over! Let me tell you, I made up for those 2 days of not being able to give Chase his bath and cuddle him while he falls asleep. Chris came to check on us because 45 minutes after bath time started, we were still laughing and splashing and having so much fun! And we fell asleep on the couch together, which I feel like we haven't done in forever. So with a goodnight kiss for my son and one from my husband, my day is over. Three days after my first chemotherapy treatment and I am feeling blessed. I know that it won't always be like this, that there will be hard days, but if I can manage to squeeze enough days like this in, I will be extremely grateful!

Pills, Pills, Pills

So as I'm eating breakfast this morning, I stop to count the pills that I'm taking. Guess. Just guess how many pills I take each morning. 13. 13! And I take 5 more in the evening. Ugh. At least some of them are only for a few days following treatment and then I'll get a break for a couple weeks.

Went back to the oncologist again today for my Neulasta shot (another crazy expensive thing... is nothing about this cheap?!?) The shot is supposed to stimulate my bone marrow to start making white blood cells since the chemo is killing the ones I already have. This is supposed to reduce my risk of infections, which is great! Was thrilled to find out that it's administered through my belly. Actually wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be, though. They warned me that my bones and joints might start to feel achy, but 4 hours later and I'm still feeling pretty good! Just hoping it stays this way.

Round 1 Part 2 *less enthusiastic ding ding*

So after having hardly any side effects, I was up with heartburn all night. It was like being pregnant again while I sat upright in the recliner with a cup of apple juice! The nurse said that it's a normal reaction and should only last a day or two.

I got hooked back up and finished my Rituxan. Nothing out of the ordinary this time and was able to be infused a little faster since they had started it yesterday.

1 round down, 7 to go!

Friends

I can't even begin to thank all of my family and friends for the support that they've given me through all of this so far. Kind words, hugs, and smiles have made all the difference and I am so very grateful for it all. I've also got a few things that have helped me through some of the harder parts:

I've also got some very pretty angels that keep me company on my doctor's visits. Thank you all again. I really don't know what I would do without all of you!

As far as family, I've always known how amazing mine is, but they continue to show it on a daily basis. From Chris going with me at 9:30 am to the Cancer Institute and sitting with me until 5:30 pm when they finally discharged me (and offering to shave his head when my hair falls out!), to my parents who keep Chase happy while I can't be there and put him to bed until I'm allowed to snuggle him again (just a few days!), to my inlaws who offer strength and support, I am by far the luckiest woman in the world!

Round 1 *ding ding*

Today is my first day of treatment. I'm nervous as anything because I'm not sure how my body will react to it. I keep getting a little teary and I honestly can't tell you why. I know that this is the first step in getting my body healthy and that's exactly what I want, but I can't help but feel a bit apprehensive. And get this: it's the  fourth day of the New Year, my first doctor visit of the New Year, and I've already met my insurance deductible. Crazy expensive!

Before I started my treatment, I met with Dr. Choksi. She reconfirmed my diagnosis of Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma and outlined my treatment plan (6-8 rounds of chemotherapy, every 3 weeks). She also discussed safety around Chase and general safety rules. It's really not as bad as I thought it would be. She repeated a few times that it is very possibly curable, but suggested a possible bone marrow transplant after treatment is over since I’m so young. Let's get through this before we start worrying about that, though!

When I finished with Dr. Choksi, she brought me back to the infusion room. I sat in a surprisingly comfortable recliner while the nurse accessed my port. 

She drew blood from it, flushed it, then started my treatment:

• Aloxi to prevent nausea and vomiting
• Dexamethasone, a steroid that fights adverse reactions
• Benadryl and Tylenol to prevent allergic reactions
• Adriamycin, the "big guns" of chemotherapy and bright red
• Cytoxan, a chemotherapy that inhibits DNA synthesis
• Vincristine Sulfate, a chemotherapy that blocks tumor synthesis
• Rituxan, a protein that interferes with cancer cell growth

The Rituxan is normally a 4 hour drip, but they give it even slower the first time to make sure that there are no reactions to it. At one point, they had to stop the drip for a few minutes because my heart rate had increased. It was back to normal in less than 5 minutes and I was able to continue the infusion. Since it was given so slowly, it was not finished, so I'll go back again tomorrow morning for the rest of it. They removed the needle for the night and will re-access my port in the morning.

I'm feeling pretty good, all things considered. A little tired, a bit of a headache, but really feel the way I normally do when I sit around all day! I can only hope that I can keep feeling this way!